


Other Things

by waterbird13



Series: Tumblr Fics [344]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cage Trauma, Coming Out, Demisexual Sam, Developing Relationship, M/M, Pining, demi Sam, sex repulsed Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 15:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7981372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterbird13/pseuds/waterbird13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's always been demisexual, he understands that, he's comfortable with that, but since the cage, he's totally and completely repulsed by sex.</p><p>Which was tolerable, until he went and fell in love with his brother. And his brother fell back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Other Things

**Author's Note:**

> This is another piece from Tumblr.
> 
> Sam is demisexual and sex repulsed. Mentions of cage trauma. Sam and Dean have a developing relationship and some pining.

Sex isn’t an issue Sam has to contend with. He doesn’t _want_  anyone like that, hasn’t in a long, long time. Even longer than the time that he hasn’t wanted sex at all.

And then his _stupid_  brother had to go and be…this…

They’re working on things. Fixing them, as brothers, partners.

Sam would laugh if it didn’t hurt so damn bad. They fixed things, alright. Went a step or two beyond fixed, straight into a new, strange, probably unacceptable territory.

Dean looks at him sometimes too, when he thinks Sam won’t notice. Sam’s conflicted, not blind.

And then…Sam knows how he’s worked in the past. Love, then sexual attraction. He wasn’t sure if that would happen anymore, but apparently it does. He can still feel it, even if he doesn’t want it, empathetically doesn’t want it anymore…

Dean’s looks are more obvious now. Really, really obvious. Sam doesn’t know if Dean is sending a hint or just incapable of keeping himself in check. He’s not saying he minds, because he doesn’t really, it’s nice to know he’s not alone in this.

He wouldn’t mind at all, if it weren’t for the fact that he knows his brother. He knows Dean, and he knows Dean likes sex. Considers it a primary form of intimacy, actually. It’s important to him.

Why, why couldn’t Sam have had this stupid…infatuation…for his brother years ago, a decade, more, long enough that he could have at least known what it was like to have Dean? It’s better to have loved and lost, or so the saying goes.

He’s not entirely sure if that’s true, but his current situation isn’t great so he thinks he’d pretty much prefer anything else. Even the pain of no longer being what Dean wants, just to know he once had him.

That’s stupid. Even Sam, in his current state, can tell it’s stupid. Ridiculous to want to live in pain, just a different type of pain.

Dean’s still watching him. Obvious, so obvious, and it hits Sam then that he might be trying to figure out how to say something. Sam closes his own eyes and thinks about it.

He should end this now. Tell Dean the truth, let him move on. Put them both out of their misery. They did promise no more secrets, and they’ve been pretty good about it. Not that Sam feels bad for this one–what happened to him in the cage, how he feels about it now, what it’s done to him, that’s his own business and, so far, hasn’t needed to be anyone else’s–but it’s time to share it.

“I don’t like sex,” he says, and then winces, because there were probably more tactful ways to do that, at least some _warning._

Dean jumps, which really isn’t that strange, considering the out of the blue conversation. “A…alright?” he asks.

Sam rolls his eyes, getting his footing back. “Cut the crap, Dean,” he says. “We both know…we’ve been dancing around this. This thing. Us. So you don’t waste anymore time. I haven’t liked sex since the cage. It’s not you, it’s me. All of that.”

Dean blinks at him a few times, processing. “This thing?” he says. “Gonna name it?”

Sam shrugs. “Whatever you wanna call it. Whatever you call two brothers staring at each other all the time, wanting…things they can’t have.”

“So you want it too,” Dean concludes.

“I told you, I don’t–”

“Want sex, yeah, I can hear, Sam. How about the rest?”

“Does it matter?” Sam asks, a little frustrated now.

“A hell of a lot. To me at least. C’mon. Indulge me.”

Sam sighs, but gives in. “I love you,” he says. “Brotherly, sure, but–well. You know. Not.”

Dean smiles. “Yeah. Not. I get it.” He stretches and stands. “Ya know, I’ve spent plenty of my life with my right hand. Not sure why you think that wouldn’t work now.”

Sam snorts. “You love sex.”

“I love _you_ ,” Dean corrects, saying it for the first time and sending shivers down Sam’s spine. “I enjoy sex. Big difference. I enjoy masturbation too. Jellybeans. Burgers. But you. You’re special.”

“What are you saying?” Sam asks, looking up from his chair as Dean walks closer, standing over Sam.

He pulls Sam up into a kiss, one hand fisted in his shirt. He moves slow, Sam sees it coming, but he doesn’t move, half in shock and half in want.

“That,” Dean concludes after a moment. Then, little wrinkle appearing on his brow, “Was that okay?”

Sam kisses him again. He forgot, he likes kissing, he wasn’t sure–but he does. Still. A lot, apparently.

“More than,” he says, pulling away for a split second before moving in for another kiss.


End file.
